Life Station

I have never gotten a good news when my phone rang in the middle of the night or in this case, really really early in the morning. True enough, mom just called to say that my grandma has passed away earlier this morning, about 3.30am (7.30pm Fri night in the Eastern world)

She was an Ox so she should be 94, 95 this year. So she did live a long, long live and it's perhaps just time... Still, we stayed with our grandparents since we were borned and there are so much memories... I don't think I am ready for this... maybe i will never be ready. She is always so energetic; she cooked and did her laundry (manually) all by herself till a couple of years ago when she had a few nasty falls and subsequently lost her ability to move around. Her health just deterioted.

I have to admit that i have a love-hate relationship when comes to grandma. I remember how much I love her cooking, how much i admire her for being able to plant vegetable in pails and they grew like weeds, how thankful i am to her when she sneaked money into my pocket so that i can buy one of those bilingual mags that i absolutely must have every week... But at the same time, she is the one who provoked my mom and made me missed my camping trips because no girl should stay out overnight with boys, she is the one who always my brothers more than me or my sisters because of our genders....

There were a lot of questions, disagreements, etc etc that i wish I could talk it out with her but I don't think that would ever happen now... not that i ever think it is possible. She married my grandpa since she was 7, she had 13 kids, she simply lived in a world alien to me. We shared no similar experience of life and looking back as an adult now, i appeciate her strength. I would not be able to endure the pain of losing my child (she had 4), living by herself for 13 years after my grandpa passed away... These are all too much for me but she did... Remember and moarn the dead but live for those who need you, she used to say.

That is my grandma... Perhaps because she is an Ox. She is stubborn, demanding and conservative. At the same time, she is strong, determined and dutiful.

You had a good life, Grandma and I will miss you.